The things you learn in Sunday school
posted by sooyup
on
Daily trivia
Or maybe not. Majoring in Divinity taught me many things, not least of which was the fact that Onanism as a euphemism for masturbation can only apply to guys - although I’ve also seen it used (perhaps more properly) to signify coitus interruptus. Onan was the second son of Judah, and he was ordered by God to have sex with his dead brother’s wife. (The wife of his dead brother that is. Not the dead wife of his brother, which would have given rise to a completely different euphemism.) No doubt this was so that the widow would have someone to look after her in her old age. Onan enjoyed the sex, but always jumped off at Edge Hill and “spilled his seed upon the ground”. For this heinous offence, God took his life. (And you thought it could only make you go blind!) Here endeth the lesson. We will now sing Onan’s harvest hymn: “We plough the fields and scatter the good seed on the land.”
Or maybe not. Majoring in Divinity taught me many things, not least of which was the fact that Onanism as a euphemism for masturbation can only apply to guys - although I’ve also seen it used (perhaps more properly) to signify coitus interruptus. Onan was the second son of Judah, and he was ordered by God to have sex with his dead brother’s wife. (The wife of his dead brother that is. Not the dead wife of his brother, which would have given rise to a completely different euphemism.) No doubt this was so that the widow would have someone to look after her in her old age. Onan enjoyed the sex, but always jumped off at Edge Hill and “spilled his seed upon the ground”. For this heinous offence, God took his life. (And you thought it could only make you go blind!) Here endeth the lesson. We will now sing Onan’s harvest hymn: “We plough the fields and scatter the good seed on the land.”
